Shâo-Lan
My name means little orchid and I’m a funeral and family celebrant
It’s important that you choose the right celebrant to help you create the ceremony that you want
Please see below to help you decide if I’m the right celebrant for you
07790 817 857 or shaolan@uksoc.com
Why I became a celebrant…
On a drizzly winter’s day over 20 years ago…
Wandering round the tiny seaside town of Walton on the Naze with my university housemate wishing for a day off from lectures, my friend let me in on a secret…
You can pick a day… any day you like and that becomes your day when you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do
The only conditions are that you have to get someone else to celebrate with you, you have to celebrate on the same day every year and more people have to join in every year
Of course this is a totally made up event but St Shâo-Lan’s Day (celebrated every year since 1998 and one year celebrated on all 7 continents… including Antarctica!) made me realise that any occasion can be turned into a celebration
It doesn’t matter how silly or serious, big or small, simple or intricate, whether it’s the beginning or the end, creating a ceremony that brings you together to laugh, cry and remember what makes life and the people we share it with special helps us to feel connected and, at best, transforms us
Fast forward 20 years…
I’m in a hospital room on the 4th floor of a London hospital. My uncle’s cancer has spread from his lungs to his brain. He has slipped into unconsciousness. I hold his hand.
At his funeral, I’m shown which buttons to press to play an instrumental version of ‘You’re Beautiful’ as people enter the room. This wasn’t his wedding song or something he played on Valentine’s day. This song was chosen because he was famous for getting the lyrics completely wrong…
“I saw your face… on the Underground…”
I start the ceremony. I introduce the Buddhist monks who have travelled from a temple over a hundred miles away to perform a traditional blessing. I deliver the eulogy. At some points people laugh, I look nervously at the monks. But they later confirm they enjoyed the stories and the chuckling too.
I’m shown how to close the curtains as we say our last goodbye. I realise how important it feels to have been part of creating a ceremony that has brought some peace and comfort to my aunty, my cousins, my family and the many people touched by my uncle’s life.
I realise this is called being a celebrant.
June 2021
Annabeth
The vet calls with the news I’ve been dreading… my little rescue dog’s kidneys have failed and she will have to be put to sleep in the next 24 hours
My world crumbles
Annabeth came to me after surviving more than eight years on the streets of Romania escaping the kill shelters. She learnt to trust a human even after humans had been so cruel to her. She was my only companion through the isolation of a year of national lockdowns. She is my best friend.
After she has been put to sleep, I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe she’s gone. It happened too fast.
For three days, I do things that don’t seem like ‘me’. I’m comforted by things I’ve never heard of before like talk of rainbow bridges (the idea, from an unknown author, that when an animal companion dies, they go to a joyful place without fear or suffering and meet you there when you die so that you can cross over together); I don’t cry… I just sit with her and tell myself she’s sleeping
We hold a ceremony at my mum’s house where she loved to go on holiday. We lay her to rest in the garden with her favourite blanket and toys and plant rosemary (symbolic of remembrance) and sage (symbolic of mourning and protection)
Later, parsley and thyme are added because… well, Simon and Garfunkel would be disappointed otherwise
We light candles and burn incense. I sit with her often and feel the complicated feelings of grief.
A week later, I graduate from the funeral part of my celebrancy training
Please get in touch to discuss the love you’d like to celebrate
07790 817 857 or shaolan@uksoc.com
Little Orchid Celebrancy 